I was literally walking around with my eyes wide shut. I never anticipated he would turn out to be Lord of the Sex Manor, and I certainly never anticipated he was an alcoholic. I was distracted from everything, blinded by lust and drowning in his intensity. I should have pressed for more, but I was too busy being swallowed up by him. He just didn’t explain what sort of damage or why. He advised me, on a slur, that he’d warned me there would be damage if I left. I would gladly take all of his frustrating, challenging ways over the ugliness that was Jesse drunk.Īpparently, Jesse falling off the wagon was my entire fault. But the drunken, hollow man I found at the penthouse was not the Jesse I had fallen in love with.

How can a man who I’ve known a few short weeks make me feel like this? But in those short few weeks I have known him, I’ve learned that he is intense, hot blooded, and controlling, but he is also gentle, affectionate, and protective. I must be painful to be around at the moment. Sam is still a regular, seminaked presence at Kate’s, but he knows better than to talk to me about Jesse. There have been no phone calls, no messages, no flowers… nothing. I’ve not heard from him since that day I walked out, leaving him yelling and stumbling around. I left Jesse drunk and raging at his penthouse last Sunday. I’m unaware of the activity around me, every noise a distant hum, every image a slow blur. In the darkness I see his face and in the silence I hear his voice. Five days of agony, emptiness, and sobbing.Įvery time my eyes close he’s there, the images flickering from the sure, confident, beautiful man who totally took me, to the hollow, hurtful, drunken creature who destroyed me.

It’s been five days since I’ve seen Jesse Ward. I’ve barely mustered up the strength to make it into work today.

Beneath This Man by Jodi Ellen Malpas